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- "The Tediz Battle Master, the mysterious Von Kriplespac..."
- ―Kriplespac's description during the Old War[src]
|Professor Von Kriplespac|
|First appearance:||Conker's Bad Fur Day (2001)|
|Character type:||Non-Playable Character|
Main Villain (during the Milk and Old Wars, and Live and Reloaded)
Boss (during the L&R Multiplayer Prequel)
Professor von Kriplespac, also known as the Weasel King, Ze Professor, and Tediz Battle Master, was a Prussian weasel battlefield commander and scientist. He was the leader of the Tediz in a war against the SHC, and later the Panther King's servant. He was the secondary-turned-main antagonist of Conker's Bad Fur Day and the campaign in Conker: Live & Reloaded.
It is said that long ago, the alliance of panthers and the oldest squirrel family, the Kulas of Conk, waged war against the weasel race and their king in an event known as the "Milk Wars". Eventually, the leader of the panthers grew mad with power among his allies and betrayed them, banishing the Kulas of Conk to the darkest region on Earth. He, the Panther King, then chopped off the legs of the Weasel King and took over his kingdom, ruling over all the land. It is believed that the Weasel King was in fact Von Kriplespac, but the SHC and Tediz war timeline would make these events unlikely, so the story is considered mere fantasy. However, as suggested from dialogue with Count Batula, it is possible that the story is partially true, albeit exaggerated. This remains ambiguous.
- "Forced finally to retreat to his clifftop castle stronghold, Von Kriplespac knew that only one thing could save them from defeat...the Machine. History has told us of its use, but then, no one knew for sure..."
- ―Castle Von Tedistein narrative[src]
700 years ago, Von Kriplespac became a mighty ruler and dictator hellbent on destroying the squirrel species. To accomplish this, he created the Tediz, an army of murderous warriors, and went to war with the SHC, an army of highly trained squirrels. During the second assault of the war, in the story scenario on Beach Dead, Kriplespac was hold up in a fortress containing his Giant Gun of Doom. It was with this immense weapon that the Tediz Battle Master planned to destroy the SHC battle cruiser out at sea while his troops defended the base from the infantry ranks of squirrel soldiers. Stationed at a control console below his weapon, Kriplespac spent all of the ten minutes he had charging his cannon and targeting the enemy ship. With all their heavy weaponry and demolition equipment, the squirrels managed to get through the last door moments before Kriplespac's weapon could fire. Rather than escaping, Kriplespac frantically tried to buy himself time to fire his gun, as the boat's destruction would prompt the squirrels to retreat. He was shot by an enemy missile launcher, which blew his legs clean off, leaving him crippled and bleeding on the floor. Wounded, yet still alive, Kriplespac ordered a retreat as he was retrieved by his men and brought off the battlefield.
Although unable to get back on the battlefield, Kriplespac still monitored the fight at Fortress Deux and gave his troops orders. During this time, Kriplespac was kept somewhere safe to be healed from the attack. During the abandoned prison's battle, the Battle Master decided on an incredibly cruel way to demonstrate how the squirrels would lose the war by having his men pile and hang their corpses around their campsite. Seeing this display would cause more SHC soldiers to lose hope and commit suicide, which was part of the battle's objective. It is unknown who canonicially won this fight, though. Eventually, the Battle Master was repaired as a cyborg. Despite fierce motivation, the Tediz were not winning the war. After his soldiers had won many battles, Von Kriplespac retreated to his primary base, Castle Von Tedistein, for a final stand. It was here that the evil commander and scientist hid his greatest weapon: "The Machine". While its exact use was unknown to the SHC, the Tediz planned to bring forth a new and powerful army of Machine Tediz with it to change the tide of the war. However, Kriplespac was enraged to discover that his men had forgotten to pack the batteries for the device. Thus, they needed to link the estate's power lines manually and then seal the connection.
During the battle, Kriplespac remained within his castle's upper tower, giving orders and observing the fight. After all the cable masts were activated, the Battle Master ordered his men to go to the SHC's generator and overload it to dispose of the troops and complete the connection by making the ultimate sacrifice. When this was done, the SHC's generator exploded and the first Machine Tedi soldier emerged from the Machine. Their last chance for victory successful, the Tediz drove the SHC back, and the first phase of the war came to a silent end as Kriplespac plotted to use his Machine to enhance his Tediz army with the new Machine Tediz.
Panther King's Rule
- "No legs, and now no life!"
- ―Von Kriplespac as he is sucked into space[src]
One red squirrel in paticular had been sighted the past few hours: Conker the Squirrel. The professor gave a description to the Panther King's Weasel Guards, and they set out to catch him. Meanwhile, secretly within his lab, Kriplespac planned to deploy his Tediz army to restart the war with the SHC and eventually overthrow the Panther King. However, during his adventure, Conker was recruited by the SHC and managed to defeat the Tediz assault force at an island base along with The Experiment and Little Girl. This angered Kriplespac, who grew to hate Conker just as he did the Panther King. A new plan was soon made: the Panther King hired the mobster Don Weaso to lure Conker into his doom through the Feral Reserve Bank so that he could catch the squirrel. Meanwhile, however, the Professor made another plot. He created an alien egg and placed the dormant creature in the Panther King's milk. When the king consumed it, he was unaware of the hatchling that would soon kill him. Just as the king's plan in the bank vault was going correctly, he began to feel indegestion and called in the Professor to secure Conker and get his milk. However, as Kriplespac stood beside Conker, the king began having breathing problems, much to Kriplespac's delight.
The Panther King's chest eventually burst open, killing him, and birthing Kriplespac's fiendish creation. As Weaso fled, the Professor praised his new creation and launched the bank vault, actually a shuttle, into space, as the castle he lived in was "so out of date". Naming his alien pet Heinrich, Kriplespac ordered him to kill Conker. However, the squirrel pulled a lever under the king's throne which opened the ship's airlock. As Conker donned a space suit to fight Heinrich and every object was sucked out into space, Kriplespac realized that he forgot to put high powered boosters on his hoverchair in case the airlocks opened and swore as he was sucked toward the door. His chair was soon pulled into space and he was losing his grip. The Professor was sucked into space with a long shout. Conker managed to kill Heinrich and was made the new king.
Future War (Alternate Timeline)
In an alternate future, 200 years have passed and it was revealed that Von Kriplespac was saved from suffocating in space and continued to lead his Tediz army. As Tediz Battle Master once again, he was finally free of being the Panther King's Professor. Von Kriplespac became enemies once again with King Conker, and the battle between SHC and Tediz grew far more dangerous. The squirrels were driven back to the point of defeat when the Machine Tediz rose from Kriplespac's Machine just as he had begun in the Old War. A new objective was devised among both sides: finding the legendary "Thing", a supposed weapon originally belonging to the Panther King. After the battle over the map to finding the Thing had been won by the Tediz, the SHC discovered the location themselves when it appeared on the cover of "Fur Only" magazine. While heading toward the Thing's location, Von Kriplespac made an immediate wrong turn, but ended up at exactly the right spot since the map had been printed upside down. While the Tediz excavated the Thing, the SHC quickly realized their mistake in direction and sped toward the area. After a battle, the squirrels managed to destroy the Tediz excavation as well as the Thing, which wasn't a weapon at all, but a tomb.
The Panther King himself was buried under this tomb, frozen in carbonite and somehow brought here after being sucked out into space. Von Kriplespac had his men steal the body before the SHC could react and it was brought to the Tediz homeworld, Doon. The Battle Master planned to revive the Panther King and use him to defeat the squirrels once and for all. Oddly enough, during the battle, Von Kriplespac referred to his old ruler as the "Master", despite having hated him and killed him in the past. It is most likely that he merely wanted to use the evil king to destroy the squirrels but would dispose of him again afterwards. Another theory would be that he had killed the Panther King in order to unfreeze him in the future, where he could aid them. In the battle, the SHC troops fought past the Tediz forces and into the lab where the Panther King's frozen body was being thawed and his heart was being revived. The objective of the SHC was to get past all of the gates blocking the way to the body and destroy the heart to prevent their ancient enemy's resurrection. It is unknown who canonicially won this battle and what has happened to Von Kriplespac.
Von Kriplespac represented German dictator, Adolf Hitler, and his Tediz (whom he called his "Children" and "Beautiful Tediz") represented the Nazis. This was supported through the fact that Kriplespac dressed like a German SS-officer at the start of the Old War timeline, and had his Tediz recite the phrase "Heil Kriplespac". Von Kriplespac's uniform included a black cap that matched the rest of his suit, a tie, black leather boots, a red Nazi-like Tediz symbol arm strap, and a monocle on his right eye. After his legs were blown off at the second assault, Kriplespac could no longer walk and abandoned his old uniform. After being healed from his wounds, Kriplespac donned his own personalized white lab coat. He also included one green glove on his right arm and a bigger telescopic monocle attached to his robotic left eye, which allowed him to see better. His legless stumps were also bandaged up crudely.
Confined to a hoverchair as transportation, Kriplespac hovered about using two joysticks on the armrests. The hoverchair featured one small booster jet on its underside to let Kriplespac get around, and a blue antennae on top of it that gave off electrical zaps; this may have been a recharging power source for the chair. His cybernetics included a red left eye and metallic left arm. During the attack, only his legs had been blown off, so it was unknown why he had these extra cyborg parts. It was said that the Tediz had fought in many other battles after Fortress Deux before retreating to Castle Von Tedistein, suggesting that Kriplespac sustained further damage in another fight.
- In the alternate future, 200 years had passed after Bad Fur Day went on, and neither Von Kriplespac nor Conker had aged in appearance, and Von Kriplespac had lived up to almost 1000 years.
- Von Kriplespac's name was sometimes misspelled during the multiplayer campaign, mistakenly being shown as "Kripplespac".
- In the Beach Dead level, if one exploits some glitches and stands on the platform with Kriplespac, you will see that his character model is usually large in comparison to the usual character models. These glitches can only be performed by the Sneekers, and each Sneeker only comes up to about his ankle. It is likely that this was done to make him easer to aim at from a distance, as it would be difficult to shoot him if he was a regular size, and would thus make winning as the S.H.C significantly harder.
- Von Kriplespac plays the biggest role in the S.H.C./Tediz War Timeline Dispute.
- Von Kriplespac may be based on real-life Nazi engineer Hans Kammler.
- He may also be a parody on Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb, due to his appearance and manner of speaking.
- Most notably, Kriplespac shares MANY similarities with Davros, a major villain in the long-running sci-fi series Doctor Who:
- 1. Both characters lost their legs in a war, and now rely on technologically advanced hoverchairs.
- 2. Both are conniving, devious mad scientists.
- 3. Both have a cybernetic eye.
- 4. Both Kriplespac and Davros have a mechanical hand, although in the latter's case it is also his only remaining hand.
- 5. Both are best known for creating a race of homicidal, Nazi-like cyborg killers; Kriplespac invented the Tediz, while Davros created the genocidal armoured mutants known as the Daleks.
- His name comes from the words cripple, due to the fact that he is crippled, and spack, which is a British slang for a clumsy, foolish, or mentally deficient person.